Relationships aren't simple
Hi, I’m Omar, the founder and CEO of Kinnect. This blog is part of the "From Omar" series, where I share my reflections on family, relationships, and the memories we carry. These aren’t polished —
I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately. Not just in the "life is short" sense but also in how layered and dimensional it is. Time isn’t just something that moves forward; it’s something that moves within us. It’s present in our relationships, memories, and even our hopes for the future. It’s strange how you can grow up longing for something in one stage of life, and as an adult, you look back and see it from a completely different perspective.
As a kid, I used to wish my aunts and uncles were more present. Some were around when I was young, but they slowly faded out as family drama and adult conflicts happened. They’re great people—this isn’t about blame. It’s just the way family dynamics can be. People drift. Life gets complicated. But as a kid, you don’t understand all that. You just feel the absence.
As an adult, I’ve started to reflect on what that meant for me growing up and what it means for me now. Especially since I’m married to someone whose family dynamics are entirely different. Their aunts and uncles check-in. They’re there for life events. They’re present. And I’ve been thinking a lot about family's role, not just in childhood but throughout our lives.
The difference between family and friendship
We talk a lot about "choosing your friends" but "not choosing your family." It's one of those phrases that’s thrown around to explain why some family dynamics are messy or complicated. But that’s not the whole truth, is it? Sure, you don’t choose your family members, but you do choose the relationship you want with them (well, not everyone, but you know what i mean!).
Friendships and family relationships aren’t the same thing. Friends are people you choose; in many ways, it’s easier to walk away if things go south. But family is different. There’s an unspoken bond—a tether harder to cut, even when strained. And because of that, family relationships require just as much (if not more) effort than friendships do. They’re not "automatic." They’re ongoing.
It’s easy to forget that. People assume the family is just "there," and that’s enough. But it’s not. Like any relationship, family requires attention, frequency of communication, and a willingness to adapt. You don’t "pick" your family but choose how you show up for them. And sometimes, that’s harder than we’d like to admit.
Growing up without "that" kind of family
I didn’t have the "always around" kind of aunts and uncles growing up. They’d come in and out of my life—there for a while, gone for a stretch—and for a kid, that’s confusing. I’d watch other kids with their extended families at school events or birthday parties and think, Why isn’t mine like that?
When you're young, you don’t understand that adults have their own lives and struggles pulling them in a million directions. You just see the gaps. I’m not angry about it now. Life is messy, and people do their best. But I wonder how it might have shaped me differently if I had that support system growing up.
Why this matters now
The thing about family—and honestly about all relationships—is that it’s easy to let them slip into "autopilot." You figure they’ll always be there. But relationships, even family relationships, aren’t static. They change as people change. They require care, effort, and a commitment to stay connected. I’ve come to understand this as I’ve seen how different families operate.
When I think about how family requires effort, I also think about how many people might not realize that until it’s too late. They assume family will "just be there" until, one day, it’s not. This isn’t about fear of loss—it’s about awareness. Being aware of the relationships we’re a part of, recognizing their potential, and deciding to show up purposefully.
I’ll leave you with this:
Which relationship in your life needs your effort right now?
